I Care
by EverythingHHH
Summary: *This is not slash! It is based on their friendship!* Paul thinks back to his best friend who fought and lost with his personal demons. Includes "One More Light" by Linkin Park.


**A/N:** Hi, guys. Sorry I haven't updated "Who I Used To Be". I've been working on this short story as a sort of break so no, I haven't forgotten about it!

The song in this is Linkin Park's "One More Light".

Disclaimer: I own no one you recognize or the song featured in this story.

* * *

' _Should've stayed,_

 _Were there signs, I ignored?_

 _Can I help you,_

 _Not to hurt anymore?'_

I ask myself that question all the time, Shawn. Could I have helped you not to hurt anymore? I saw the pain in your eyes every time I saw you. I just didn't think that your pain was so severe. You were and still are my best friend, man. Hell, I considered you an older brother that I never had. I just wish that you were with me so I can tell you that because I didn't get to tell you when you were still here.

Could I have helped you not to hurt anymore?

I don't know.

I miss you, man.

 _Flashback..._

" _I can't believe we are competing against each other tonight. Crazy, huh?" Paul asked Shawn as they walked to the gym that was located in the arena they were in that night._

 _Shawn smiled humbly and nodded. "Yeah, it is. The Kliq going against each other, how ironic." He laughed._

" _We'll steal the show for sure." Paul said confidently before they entered the spacious gym._

 _Shawn laughed once more and turned to his friend. "You have a lot of optimism for being a newbie still." He always thought it was neat that Paul was so confident in himself because it was rare with the guys in the WWF._

 _Paul just shrugged and grabbed some weights from a rack. "That's true but can you blame me? I mean, I'm damn good." He said smugly._

" _Don't get too far ahead of yourself, dude." Shawn laughed in amusement. "Those are small dumbbells! Where's that confidence?" He asked curiously as he eyes the dumbbells in Pauls' hands._

" _Starting off easy, man. You know that better than anyone else." Paul stated as he sat on a weight bench._

" _Touché, Paul, touché. Alright, let's go. I'll count your reps." Shawn said as he walked behind the bench where Paul lay so he could help him with his exercises._

That is a faint memory I have of me and you. That was the first time me and you went to the gym together. We always talked about it prior to that day; we even talked about competing to see who would lift more than the other. We learned so much about each other inside and outside of the ring in such a short amount of time.

There was one thing I didn't learn about you immediately.

' _We saw brilliance,_

 _When the world was asleep._

 _There are things that we can have,_

 _But can't keep.'_

I took you for granted. You were the best friend that anyone could ever have, Shawn. Always there for me when I got knocked down. I wish you could've seen that and realized how important you really were and still are to me. Despite all your problems, I loved you, man.

' _If they say,_

 _Who cares if one more light goes out?_

 _In the sky of a million stars._

 _It flickers, flickers._

 _Who cares if someone's time runs out?_

 _If a moment is all we are_

 _Or quicker, quicker_

 _Who cares if one more light goes out?_

 _Well, I do.'_

I lost you just a few weeks ago. I lost my best friend, my brother. You thought that I wouldn't care if you left me forever. I know you thought that.

Well, I do.

 _Flashback..._

" _Hey, Shawn, you alright?" Paul asked as he walked up behind the smaller man. Shawn had been sitting there for what seems like forever, just staring at the floor in a daze._

 _Shawn shook his head of his thoughts and looked up at his friend. He smiled reassuringly at him. "Yeah, I'm just tired. I've still got that match tonight." He laughed quietly before he ran his hand through his thinning hair._

 _Paul didn't quite believe him because he looked lost. His eyes never met his for more than a second and that concerned him deeply. It was more than him just being "tired". He didn't really want to press him for answers though. "Okay, well if you need anything let me know." He wanted to at least say that._

" _Yeah." That was all Shawn said before his smile slowly disappeared._

I should've pressed you for those answers, Shawn. Maybe I could've helped you through your demons and you'd still be here. What was hurting you so bad? That's the question that's been burning a hole in me for the past few weeks.

You had that odd behavior for what seemed like months and I could see you fading away each week I saw you at Raw. You were really distant, Shawn, even with Vince. He even tried to talk to you but you would never open up to him or anybody for that matter. Maybe if I would've done my part in helping you, you would have talked to someone.

' _The reminders,_

 _Pull the floor from your feet._

 _In the kitchen,_

 _One more chair than you need._

 _Oh, and you're angry,_

 _And you should be,_

 _It's not fair._

 _Just 'cause you can't see it,_

 _Doesn't mean it isn't there.'_

You were beginning to get worse, especially after your 1998 Royal Rumble match with The Undertaker. I saw you in the locker room and it's a moment I will never get out of my head.

You were hunched over on one of the benches with your head in your hands. You hadn't even taken a shower yet and it was an hour after your match.

 _Flashback…_

" _Shawn? You ok?" Paul asked quietly as he stepped into the silent locker room. Actually, all Paul could hear was Shawn's heavy breaths._

" _Mmm." Shawn grumbled, not even bothering to look up at his best friend._

 _Paul was beginning to feel worried now. He got on one knee so he was leveled with Shawn. He gently wrapped his hand around one of his wrists and revealed his red face. It looked like he was crying. "Shawn? Somethings up. Tell me what it is, man."_

 _The Heartbreak Kid felt his back start to tighten up again and unbearable pain coursed through his body. He groaned in pain and his eyes teared up once more before he lied a hand on Pauls' shoulder. He was trying to use it as support as he fell to the floor. He lied there still groaning loudly in pain as he had a tight grip on Pauls' pant leg. "My back…." That was all he managed to get out._

 _Paul quickly got up and ran out of the room to find paramedics to help his friend._

You had injured your back when you hit the side of the casket. You couldn't even move or talk. I was scared to death because I have never seen you that hurt and vulnerable before. You were trying to use me as a support but you just couldn't.

I was always there for you as a support.

That week you had gotten surgery on your back. You said that you felt so much better and that you could walk normally again. But, there was something that was still bothering you and that was missing. You had to retire from wrestling and that's what you lived for. I never seen you more devastated than I did that day when Vince called you into his office and told you the news. That you had to give up your life. I was standing behind you and I literally had to catch you in my arms before you collapsed to the ground in devastation.

I understood your pain. You had no family back at home. Truthfully, you had no friends in the WWF because they all couldn't stand you for some odd reason. Maybe it was because of your relentless pill issues that everyone had to witness. Maybe it was because Vince favored you the most out of everyone else because you drew money and fans. I was the one that was always there for you and I'm thankful that you realized that.

 _Flashback…_

 _Paul and Shawn were traveling to the next town for Pauls' match. Even though Shawn can't compete anymore, he still liked to tag along so he wasn't consumed in the darkness that often plagued him._

" _Paul?" Shawn said as he looked over at Paul who was driving._

" _Yeah?"_

" _I wanna thank you for always being there for me when I was being stupid or when I was in a lot of pain whether it was physical on emotional."_

 _Paul slowly looked over at the smaller man and couldn't help but notice the sincere look in his eyes. It was almost like he was desperate to say that to him._

" _No problem, Shawn." He said with a smile before he turned his attention back to the open road ahead._

 _Shawn looked down at his hands. "I was always used for money or a punching bag. I never meant anything to anyone and I had accepted that over the past few years." He stopped and sniffed back his congestion. "It's weird ya' know." He chuckled. "I've been getting treated like shit in the WWF and yet I want to go back so bad. I can't live without the one thing that causes me pain." He looked back up at his friend through tear filled eyes. "Does that make sense, Paul?"_

 _The other degenerate looked over at him once more. He had heard every single word that Shawn had said. When Shawn had chuckled, he thought that he was going to tell a joke or be a smartass but instead he spoke the painful truth which caused Shawns' voice to crack in emotion. He honestly felt bad for him. He can never find happiness. The only time he's happy is when he's drunk or high on painkillers. Paul has fought so hard for him to stop that addiction._

" _Yeah it does. You need to try to move on, Shawn."_

Only you didn't move on. You moved on in a different way that I never would've thought.

' _If they say,_

 _Who cares if one more light goes out?_

 _In the sky of a million stars,_

 _It flickers, flickers._

 _Who cares when someone's time runs out?_

 _If a moment is all we are,_

 _Or quicker, quicker._

 _Who cares if one more light goes out?'_

Well I do, Shawn. If only you would have known that before you took your own life that same night that you described how you felt deep in your heart. If only I would've told you more than "move on and get over it". I would've stopped the car and told you how I really felt. I would've told you that you could possibly get a behind the scenes job and the hell with everyone else. You didn't come into this world to please everyone else but you left thinking that you had to.

Me and Joanie found you. We found you lifeless.

 _Flashback…_

 _Paul and Joanie walked up to the door to Shanws' hotel room. Paul didn't even bother to knock when he opened the door with Joanie following right behind him. "Shawn?" He called out when he peeked his head through to only be faced with a dark room. It looked exactly the same as when he was here just thirty minutes ago. He walked in more and noticed the pill bottles on the table were missing so that meant that Shawn possibly took them._

" _Fuck! Shawn?" When he realized that Shawn didn't appear he called out his name again but louder this time. "Shawn?" He waited a couple of seconds but there was just silence._

" _Maybe he went to sleep." Joanie said._

 _He glanced back at her. "That's possible." He started heading the way to the bedroom of his room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the bathroom light on with the door wide open. "Shawn? Are you in there?" He questioned loud enough for him to hear if he was in the bathroom. Okay, now worry started to settle into the pit of his stomach when he didn't hear a thing once more._

" _Go in there and see, Paul." Joanie ordered as she rested her hand on his tense shoulder._

 _He didn't think twice when he trudged silently across the hall. It felt as if weights were tied to his feet and he had to drag them along as he walked. It seemed like the distance was never going to end as he made his way down to the bathroom._

" _Shawn?" He let out with a shuddering breath. It was so eerie quiet and he had a very bad feeling. He cautiously stepped into the bathroom and the scene before him made him fall to his knees. Joanie's eyes went wide as she gasped and covered her mouth with her hands._

You had purposely overdosed on painkillers and it was too late for me to help you. When I reached for your hand, you were so cold and you were long gone. My best friend was gone.

I miss traveling town to town with you and having late night conversations on the phone about our dreams and aspirations in the WWF. l miss getting advice from you before a match. I miss you giving me hope that someday I'll be _the_ guy and stop wrestling jobbers. I felt like I was getting nowhere with my career but you always kept me positive and was there for me despite your pain.

I wish I had the chance to tell you that someday you'll get through the tough times and will reign supreme amongst your doubts and demons.

You had won the WWF Championship at WrestleMania 12 against Bret Hart and you were ecstatic that night. I have never seen that joy in your tired eyes in my life and it truly made me happy because it seemed like you forgot all the bad and focused on the good that was resting in the palms of your hands.

 _Flashback…_

" _You did it, Shawn!" Paul exclaimed as he hugged his best friend who was grinning ear to ear._

 _Shawn let go and stared down at the gold that each and every superstar fought tooth and nail to achieve. There was a light right above him on the ceiling that reflected off the championship and made him squint his eyes at the beauty of his prize. He has worked so hard for the opportunity at a match for the title and he earned it. Now, he was on top of the World Wrestling Federation._

" _I can't believe it…" Shawn spoke quietly as he clutched the title. His blue eyes formed tears._

 _Paul smiled and slapped him on the back. "And it was a hell of a match, dude. You deserve it." He said proudly before he sat next to Shawn on the floor of the silent corridor. They haven't gone back to the locker room because Shawn was just so amazed that he just stopped right where they were at and sat against the wall._

 _HBK looked over at him and smiled. "I do." He then brushed some of his damp hair out of his eyes. He obviously still hadn't taken a shower yet. He was just in awe at the moment and really, he didn't want to deal with the boys. He knew damn well that they were all pissed that he was champion because nobody could stand him. Ever since he came back, Vince and Paul were the only ones that congratulated him. Now, he was at in this empty corridor that was quiet. Thankfully, he had Paul right next to him. "Thank you for giving a shit." He suddenly muttered._

 _Paul cleared his throat awkwardly as he brought up one of his knees to rest his forearm on. "It's no problem, Shawn. I'm happy for you. Couldn't think of anyone better to represent this company other than Nash but he vanished to WCW." He laughed. He kept staring at the belt and then back up to Shawn when he noticed a tear dropped from his eye and it landed on the gold._

" _I'm truly happy right now but I gotta ask, why do you care about me so much?" He was now staring Paul in the eye in curiousness of the younger mans' answer._

 _He was a bit taken aback by his question but he could understand Shawn's question. "You're a cool guy and you have taught me a lot about the business ever since I arrived last year. You're really the first one that stepped up and talked to me. I can understand why you are asking. You think I shouldn't care because you have a drug and alcohol problem. That's why everyone else isn't fond of you I guess. You're also quite the asshole at times but I can understand why you are. You're just not in the right state of mind most of the time. I understand." Paul explained truthfully to his best friend and also someone he looked up to._

 _Shawn couldn't help but chuckle at his honesty. He was spot on about the asshole attitude part. "Thanks, kid. You know, someday you'll have this championship and I bet you'll take this place to heights it's never been before. I can't wait to see that."_

Now, it's the year 1999 and I have in my hands the WWF Championship. I just won this last night on Raw and it's my first huge title win. That memory has been playing in my head ever since and I can't help but smile and feel disappointed at the same time. I'm happy because I accomplished my main goal of being the top guy and you held this championship just three years ago. However, you're not here with me, sitting next to me like I was when you won. Instead, I'm sitting here on the edge of my bed in this dark hotel room alone looking down at the gold.

We lost one more light in the WWF and perhaps, you're looking down on me smiling like I remember at WrestleMania 12. You said that you couldn't wait to see me as champion. Well, I hope, somehow you did see.

I hope I really do take this company to heights it's never been before and that I can make my best friend proud, wherever you may be.

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 **A/N:** So, I've noticed that I'm a really emotional writer and I hope that you guys don't mind much. Just so you all know, throughout this entire story, excluding the flashbacks, it takes place in 1999 when he was champion. If you loved or hated this story, I would really to know in a review! Please let me know what you think! I appreciate it more than anything. Thanks for reading.


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